He hears

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry."  Psalm 40:1

I work in a call center and talk to people all day, everyday.  One of my biggest pet peeves is being interrupted.  I don't understand why a person would call in, ask a question, and then 3 words into the response, they interrupt.

That's one reason why I love verse above so much.  I love the fact that when I talk to God, He hears me.  I can always go to Him.  He cares.  He listens.  He wants to hear what I have to say...my worries, my concerns, my struggles, my desires.

Today, it was just a good reminder that when I sometimes feel like I don't have anyone to talk to, I've always got Him, :)

Is He enough?

"I need no other argument, I need no other plea, it is enough that Jesus died, and that He died for me."

The lines above are from the hymn, My Faith Has Found a Resting Place.  We sang it at church last week.  While we were singing, I was struck with this thought: Is He enough?

Do we ever really believe we have enough?

"If I could just get married, and have someone, then I'd be happy."

"If only we could have a child, then we'd be a happy, little family."

"Boy, if we could just get a house and have a yard for the kids to play in..."

Contentment can be a tough thing to achieve, especially in our generation.  The generation of newer and better.  I began to think about it though, do I allow God to be enough for me?

Honestly, I don't think I do.  I struggle with it.  It can be so easy to look around and see some of the things that others have and then allow yourself to focus on the things that you might not have.

I want to be content.  I am most happy when I am content.  He is happy when I am content.  Why is it so hard sometimes, then for me to be content and allow Him to be enough.

I can't rely on others to give me the fulfillment I seek.  It's not fair to them because no matter what they do or how hard they might try, no person can fulfill like God can.

So tonight, I am seeking contentment.  I was asking God to show me something from His word that would remind me that He is enough for me.  He gave me a few but here's one I'll share with you:

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."  Psalm 37:4-5

If I get discouraged or discontent, I have to delight myself in God.  I can't be reliant upon others to do it for me.  He is worthy of delight.  I need to remain committed to Him and to trust Him.  He knows the desires of my heart, He knows what I long for, He knows the goals I have, the aspirations I have.  He knows the things I want but that don't even admit to myself.  He knows them.  He can satisfy them.  He can supply them.  I don't want them unless He supplies them.

I have to remember to trust Him to supply them...when He wants to supply them.

Lord, help me to always remember, You are more than enough for me.

Always there

"In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.  Trust in him at all times: ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah."

- Psalm 62:7-8

Life is hard.  It consists of moments of sheer bliss and complete happiness but it also contains times of heartache, struggle and pain.  But no matter where we are in the process or experience of life, God is always there. 

He is our strength.  When we are weak, we have to go to Him for strength.  When we cannot find it within ourselves to go on, we must draw from Him.  He will supply.

He is our refuge.  When we need shelter, He is there.  We can run to Him and rely upon Him to protect us. 

We can always trust Him.  There seems to be so many false or deceiving things in the world today.  It's hard, at times, to know who or what you can trust.  But oh how comforting it can be to know that you always have Him.  He is always there.  He is always wanting to hear from you.  You can always trust Him.  He will never deceive you.  We can fully confide in Him. 

We can pour our heart out to Him.  Have you ever had those moments when you are so overwhelmed you can't even begin to put your feelings to words?  Well, with Him, you don't have to.  He knows.  He knows our heart, He knows our feelings, He knows our fears, He knows our sorrows.  We can freely pour them out to Him and He gladly takes them. 

He is always that shoulder to cry on, always there to wrap His arms around you and draw you in tight to Him.  He is always there, no matter what our need is, He can fulfill it. 

Praise

"I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth."  Psalm 34:1

I love Pandora.  For those of you who may be unfamiliar, Pandora is an internet based radio (also an iPhone app) that allows you to create your own radio stations.  You can personalize your music playlist.  I think it's wonderful and I could listen to it 24/7.  It has basically become my own personal, portable karaoke machine.

When I am getting ready in the morning, I like to have it on.  Most the the stations I have on my play list are hymns.  This past week it seems like I just cannot get enough hymns.  I have struggled with music here and there since I've been saved.  My flesh and my old nature really love a good musical beat but that cannot even begin to compare how my soul is stirred by the notes and lyrics of a spiritual hymn.

My sin, O the bliss of this glorious thought, My sin, not in part, but the whole - is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, O my soul!  - It is Well with My Soul

Bearing shame and scoffing rude, In my place, condemned He stood: Sealed my pardon with His blood; Guilty, vile and helpless, we; spotless Lamb of God was He; "Full atonement!" can it be?  Hallelujah!  What a Saviour! - Hallelujah, What a Saviour!

 He saw me plunged in deep distress, and flew to my relief; for me He bore the shameful cross, and carried all my grief, and carried all my grief.  To Him I owe my life and breath, and all the joys I have, He makes me triumph over death, and saves me from the grave, and saves me from the grave. - Majestic Sweetness Sits Enthroned

Those are just a few playing through my mind right now, but there are so much more!  How can those words not stir a person who has been completely redeemed from their sin and given a new, victorious life in Christ?

I want to be like David and have praise for God in my mouth continually.  

"While I live will I praise the Lord: I will sing praises unto my God while I have any being."  Psalm 146:2

An abundant life?

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy:  I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."  John 10:10

That verse was quoted over a year and a half ago, during a devotional.  I remember thinking to myself, "an abundant life, huh?  Well, this isn't exactly what I call 'living the abundant life'."

Let me preface this post with a little background, a little history...

Six years ago, I was bit by a brown recluse spider, as far as I know, anyways.  I wasn't specifically diagnosed with it but it caused great pain, swelling and infection in my right leg.  It took about 3 months, but my leg did heal up.  However, 2 years later, I got another infection in my right leg, in the same spot where the bite was.  I was hospitalized but it cleared quickly.  A year later, another infection came.  This was in 2009 and this time they kept me in the hospital for a week and decided to do a surgery on my leg because they found "pockets of something" during on ultrasound.

They carved the pockets out and wanted my leg to heal from the inside out.  Which it did - to a degree.

Following my surgery, they ran all kinds of tests on me and had me see all kinds of specialists to find out why my leg was still swollen and why this was recurring.  All the tests turned out fine and no one really gave any answers.  So I was frustrated.  I stopped making appointments with doctors.  I was tired of feeling like a science experiment and paying for all kinds of things and not getting any answers.

That was 3 years ago.

My leg was still healing from the surgery but it wasn't healing very well or quickly.  But I ignored it.  I would bandage it up and go on.  I wasn't going to sit around with my leg elevated all the time.  I had stuff to do.  I had to go to work and live my life.

For the past 3 years, I've had an open, draining wound on my leg.  I know it should not have taken 3 years for this to heal and clear up.  I knew I've let too much time pass.  I knew it wasn't normal.  I knew I should have gone to the doctor but I was afraid.  I was afraid they would be condescending.  I was afraid they would blame me, I was afraid they wouldn't be able to help me.

I never showed my leg to anyone.  I was ashamed of it.  I was ashamed of the fact that it hadn't healed.  I was ashamed that I had to go home every couple of hours to change my bandages because they would be soaked from the drainage.  I was ashamed that I had to have towels around my house because it would just drain and drain and I was too cheap to spend more money on bandages.  I was ashamed because my shoe would get wet from the drainage and squeak and squish.  I thought everyone could hear it and thought of me as a freak.

I had convinced myself that this was just it.  This was part of my life now, so I best not complain about, I best not talk about it, I might as well just live with it as best I can.

That mindset changed last month.

A friend of mine was over and when she was leaving, she noticed I had 2 identical pairs of shoes.  She asked why I had 2, to which I replied, because I wear one during the day but after work it's usually damp so I come home, change my bandages and change shoes.

This started a conversation I didn't expect, a conversation I had been avoiding, a conversation I needed but was scared to have.  My family had been telling me for years to go to a doctor for my leg but I don't think I was ready until that night.  My friend convinced me that it's not normal, that I deserve more.

She asked me if I ever pray about my leg, if I ever ask God to heal it.

Nope.

I didn't like thinking about my leg.  When it hurt and was painful, I tried all I could to think of other things.  Why would I willingly think about it and talk about it with God?

This isn't exactly something I am glad to admit, considering I know there are plenty of people who did pray for my leg.  I felt like such a hypocrite.  What kind of faith did I really have?  Why didn't I trust God enough?  I would organize prayer meetings for other people and talk about how much God has taught me about prayer through other people's lives and here I was, never talking to Him about my leg.  We both know it was there.  We both know what condition it was in and yet, I never talked to Him about it.

At the prodding of this friend, I made an appointment with a doctor.  He took one look at my leg and referred me to a specialist, actually, the surgeon who operated on me 3 years ago.  He set up an appointment for me the next day and told me I could not miss it.

So I went, hesitantly and unsure of what to expect, but I went.

I'm glad I went because I found help.  I found a doctor who cares, who didn't judge, who didn't blame, who wants to help me and wants to be a partner in helping me get better and take care of this issue.  I'm thankful for God providing me with a good doctor, they are not always the easiest to find.

I am now getting treatment for the wound and the underlying condition that I actually have in both of my legs.

For the first time in years, ( I can't believe I wasted so many YEARS) I finally have hope of normal health.

After the first week of treatment, I was amazed.  I no longer had to rush home to change my bandages or my socks.  I could go to church and by the end of the service, my foot was still dry and although I am not a big fan of all the wrapping I have on my leg, I have seen the results thus far and am incredibly grateful.

I am only a few weeks into this treatment, which may take a few months, but already I have seen my life free up.  I have seen where I allowed it to control me, control my thoughts and control my life.  I am still ashamed of that but I have to put that behind me because for the first time in years, I am on the road to experiencing that "abundant life" promised in John 10:10. 

Out of focus

 

Today is June 5th.  

The picture above is my photo of the day - a sign.

Last month, I started participating in the "Photo a day" challenge with some friends and so that's where this photo comes into play.  I didn't have to look too far for today's photo subject as this is my front yard.  The only sign I actually like in the yard is the little white one in the back with the Bible verse on it.

I edited this photo with Instagram and posted it.  This afternoon, I noticed a friend of mine happened to catch the play of focus I did with this photo.  It's subtle so I wasn't sure it'd be noticeable, but I blurred the picture except for the white sign with the verse on it.  

When I read her comment, the word "focus" just seemed to linger on my mind for the next few hours.  I came home tonight, glanced over at these signs and thought of that word, focus.  That's when it hit me - my life has been out of focus lately.

It's been over a month since my last post on here and even with that, it was only one post in the entire month!  I've been slacking and out of focus.  

I've also been struggling alot lately.  Just seem to be struggling with life.  Struggling with contentment.  Struggling with trying to make decisions.  Struggling with thoughts, fears, pride, insecurities and doubts.

Struggling. 

God reminded me tonight that those struggles I've been trying to handle on my own are caused by allowing myself to be and remain out of focus.  

"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind."  Matthew 22:37

For the past month or so, I have not had my heart or soul focused on God and I surely know my mind has not been fixed on him.  This feels like a very pivotal time in my life, too, a time in which I need to be solely focused on Him.  

So that's my assignment from God this week.  To try everyday to remain focused on Him.  Let everything else in the world and in my life be blurred a bit, that's okay, He's controlling it all anyways.  He wants to be the only thing I focus on.  

"He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good: and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?"  Micah 6:8

It's just you and me this week, God, You are my focus.

Lest I forget...

I'm not sure about you but I have a tendency to forget things sometimes.

I have forgotten some very important things recently.  But God spent the last few days reminding me.

It first happened when we were singing a song at church.  "Lead me to Calvary"  Sang it plenty of times in the past but it was one of those moments where the words seem as though they are speaking to you for the first time.

"Lest I forget Gethsemane, Lest I forget thine agony; Lest I forget Thy love for me, Lead me to Calvary."

It was as though God was tapping me on the shoulder, saying, "Hey Amy.  Pay attention.  Lest you forget."

That night, I couldn't shake it.  I had been struggling with discouragement and loneliness and was content wallowing in my self-pity.  

But God didn't want that.  He knew I needed to snap out of it.

I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and went about the rest of my night.  The next day, however, God tapped me on the shoulder with another reminder.  This reminder was that He has put people in my life that care about me and want to be a part of my life and want me to share it with them.  I have a tendency to not let people past a certain point but He reminded me that there are some I can let in.

Okay Lord, I'll start paying attention now.

Well, for good measure, He gave me another reminder Friday night.  

I stopped by my parents' house after Bible study and we were talking about some issues that have come up recently.  They tried talking to me about it about a week earlier but I wasn't ready.  I told them I hate making decisions and going through things by myself.  My parents reminded me that I'm not alone and that  I don't have to make decisions and go through life alone.  God tapped on my shoulder again.

"Amy, why are you so quick to forget these things?  Why do you allow yourself to be convinced that you have to do everything on your own?  Why do you convince yourself that asking for help will make you seem weak?"

"I don't know why I do those things, Lord."

"Well, lest you forget, I'm here.  I'm here to remind you of the family and friends I have given you.  Use them.  Don't shut them out.  Allow them to help you.  Draw support from Me and from them."

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."  Isaiah 41:10

I forgot that when I think no one cares - God cares.

I forgot that He loves me, when I think I am unlovable.

I forgot that when I feel worthless, He sees me as worthy of His love, His time, His Son.

I forgot that when I feel all alone in this world, He's there.

I forgot that when I feel deserted, He promised to never leave me.

I forgot that He gave me this life and that He wants me to live it abundantly.

I forgot the price that He paid so that I might live.

Lest I forget again, Lord, lead me to Calvary, where I will be reminded of the price You paid for me and the love that You have for me.