A defining moment

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." - Joshua 1:9

"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee."  - Hebrews 13:5

Do you ever have an experience that makes you look at some of these verses totally differently?  I had one of those experiences this summer.

Last week, I was catching up with a friend and talking about the past year or so and the different events that have happened.  I was telling them about something that happened really unexpectedly and was kind of a painful ordeal.

It happened late in the summer and without going into all the details, it was one of those defining moments.  One of those moments that you'll remember every painful detail of for a long, long time.  One of those moments that you know will change and alter the course of your life and your relationships.  One of those moments that you don't choose, but it chooses you.

The moment happened.  It involved tears and confusion, sadness and heartache.  I didn't know how to handle it.  I was overwhelmed with emotion and so unsure of what just happened and trying to comprehend that it actually did just happen.

I needed comfort.

I came home and did what I always do when I need comfort.   I went to bed.  Just crawled right in, covered up and cried.

But that doesn't help, not for very long at least.

I needed a hug.

I needed someone to hold me and make me feel protected, make me feel loved, make me feel cared for.  I needed someone to console me.

But I didn't have anyone to get that from.  Yes I could have called a friend but I would have felt like I was a bother or interrupting.  Besides, they would probably ask what was going on and I didn't even understand it enough to explain.  It was an awkward situation and I didn't need someone to talk to, I needed someone to comfort me.

So I turned to the Lord. 

He already knew the situation.  He knew the pain in my heart.  I asked Him to comfort me.

He did.

I don't know if I can fully explain or describe it, but He comforted me with His supernatural comfort.  I literally felt as though He was right here with me, holding me and comforting me.  He made me feel protected, loved and cared for.  It was unlike any kind of comfort I have ever experienced before.  It was indescribable.  It was wonderful.  It was miraculous.  It was tender.

I read those verses in Joshua and Hebrews now and man, they have a whole new meaning.  I have experienced them.  I have experienced the fact that when you literally have no one around, I always have God.  ALWAYS!

Oh the comfort that that brings!  It makes me tear up just thinking about it.  He doesn't have to do that.  He didn't have to be there for me that night.  He didn't have to allow me to feel His comfort and His presence, but He did anyways.

I also realized that night that I am very thankful for this time of being single.  I don't know how long it will last or if it will ever even end.  But I realized that night that if I were in a relationship, I would have sought out comfort from them (boyfriend/husband).  It's the natural thing to do.  But since I don't have that, I have God.

And that is all I need.

It doesn't surprise me at all that Hebrews 13:5 talks about contentment and not being covetous.  To me, that verse speaks to the fact that God is here - always here - and He is enough.  We ought to be content with Him and Him alone.

I sure am.  He continues to amaze me and reveal Himself unto me and all it does is cause me to desire more and more of Him!  Lately, I feel like I just can't get enough of Him.  (and I am loving it!) 

I'm thankful tonight for those defining moments...for those moments that choose us because it's through those moments, that God can really work and we can really grow closer to Him!

What it's all about...

A couple of weeks ago a group of us from church went out street preaching.  We just gathered together, sang a song, spread out over the intersection with scripture signs and the guys preached.

I was holding a sign with the following verse on it:

"For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord" 2 Corinthians 4:5a

That verse has stuck in my mind and in my heart for the past few weeks.   God's been reminding me that it's not all about me.  It's not about what I want, it's not about what I do or don't have, it's not about what I am comfortable with. 

It's about Him.  It's about what He wants, what He desires for me, where He wants me, doing what He wants me to do.  He created me, placed me where He has placed me.  I need to look around and see what He wants me to do rather than poke around and see what I want. 

"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."  1 Corinthians 10:31

Boy, have I ever needed that reminder. I have allowed myself to take my focus off Him and instead followed whatever it is that I want. 

Wrong. Wrong.  Wrong.

God doesn't want me to be unhappy but I know that I will be most happy when I am following Him and His guiding and directing of my life, not following my own selfish desires and wants.

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." Psalm 37:4-5

I'm sorry for not being committed to you like I ought to, Lord.  Thank you for reminding me that I was created for Your pleasure.  I was put here to serve You.  Thank you for the opportunity to get back on track.

"He must increase, but I must decrease."  John 3:30

Help me, Lord, to be decreased.

A broken heart

God broke my heart the other night.

It needed it.

I didn't realize it needed it, but God knew. 

I was at a special prayer meeting at church on Friday night.  We had 3 different rooms, different things to pray for in each room and 45 minutes in each room.  I really enjoy these nights.  They are good for me.  It reminds me of how much I fall short in my prayer life and it's also a good opportunity to pray with church family.

But something unexpected happened on Friday night.  I was in the room where we pray for leaders and also give thanks.  In this room we broke off individually and prayed - just one on one with God.  When I came to the part of things to give thanks for the first thing on the list was salvation.  As I began to pray and thank God for saving me, I really began to consider and reflect on what it really entailed.

I became overwhelmed.  Overwhelmed with gratitude.

He was mocked. scorned. rejected. spit upon. beaten.    for me.

I am so completely and utterly unworthy and undeserving of Him and of the gift of salvation. 

I sin and neglect Him and His Word and His teaching and His guiding and directing in my life so often.  He brings opportunities to me and I ignore them or refuse them.

And yet, He still went to the cross - not only went to the cross but actually carried it - for me.

My mind was blown.  That is incomprehensible love.

I thanked Him for loving me.

He doesn't have to.  I'm not easy to love.  I disappoint.  I can hurt and can cause pain.  I do and say the wrong thing far too often.

Yet, He loves me.  He loves me more than I can understand.  He loves me unlike anyone else can love me.  He has loved me from before I was ever created and He will love me forever.

I thanked Him for my health.  He healed me.  He healed my leg. 

I had given up hope.  I knew God could heal it but I had given up faith that He would heal it.  I had convinced myself that it was something I had to live with and I did, for 3 years.  I figured it would eventually get bad enough where it would just have to be amputated and I had been preparing myself for that result.

But God had other plans.  I know I didn't deserve His healing but He gave it to me despite my unbelief.  Words cannot not begin to express my gratitude for that.  When you come to a point of convincing yourself you may lose your leg and instead God heals it within  weeks - trust me, it takes awhile for it to set in.  I'm still trying to believe it - seems too good to be true sometimes.

But that's God and that's why He is more than worthy of our thanks.

I also thanked God for being my friend.

Honestly, I struggle with loneliness sometimes.  But Friday night, He reminded me that He is always there and He brought to mind all the different times when He has always come through for me.  He is always there to listen.  He always cares.  He's always interested.  He doesn't interrupt.  He lets me go on and on and on about the silly things but He listens.  He cares.  He's always there.  He's my Friend.

I was broken down and weeping by this point.  I couldn't control it.  He had broken my hard and unthankful heart. 

But He was right there to pick up the pieces and to hold it in it's fragility.  He broke it so that I might be able to offer it to Him to fix and to fill with the right things.

I know He was there.  The Bible tells us in Matthew 18:20, "For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them."

He was in that church.  He was in that nursery room.  He was knelt down next to me and had His hand upon me.  I know He was because I felt Him.  I felt His presence. 

I needed that.  I hadn't realized it, but it had been too long since I had felt closeness of that caliber with Him.  He didn't have to allow me to feel His presence, but I am thankful for it.  I'm thankful He was that close because I could no longer vocalize my prayer.  I was too overwhelmed and had to finish praying simply from my heart.

I'm so thankful for that time I got to spend with Him.  I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.  But one thing I am most thankful for is that I can have that with Him at anytime.  The God of the universe, who spoke life and earth and created the stars also, Him, I get to talk to Him, whenever I want. 

I'm glad God saw the state of my heart, when I didn't.  I'm glad He broke it and emptied it of all the pride and selfishness.  I'm glad He has since refilled it with His love and desires to please and serve Him. 

He hears

"I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry."  Psalm 40:1

I work in a call center and talk to people all day, everyday.  One of my biggest pet peeves is being interrupted.  I don't understand why a person would call in, ask a question, and then 3 words into the response, they interrupt.

That's one reason why I love verse above so much.  I love the fact that when I talk to God, He hears me.  I can always go to Him.  He cares.  He listens.  He wants to hear what I have to say...my worries, my concerns, my struggles, my desires.

Today, it was just a good reminder that when I sometimes feel like I don't have anyone to talk to, I've always got Him, :)

Is He enough?

"I need no other argument, I need no other plea, it is enough that Jesus died, and that He died for me."

The lines above are from the hymn, My Faith Has Found a Resting Place.  We sang it at church last week.  While we were singing, I was struck with this thought: Is He enough?

Do we ever really believe we have enough?

"If I could just get married, and have someone, then I'd be happy."

"If only we could have a child, then we'd be a happy, little family."

"Boy, if we could just get a house and have a yard for the kids to play in..."

Contentment can be a tough thing to achieve, especially in our generation.  The generation of newer and better.  I began to think about it though, do I allow God to be enough for me?

Honestly, I don't think I do.  I struggle with it.  It can be so easy to look around and see some of the things that others have and then allow yourself to focus on the things that you might not have.

I want to be content.  I am most happy when I am content.  He is happy when I am content.  Why is it so hard sometimes, then for me to be content and allow Him to be enough.

I can't rely on others to give me the fulfillment I seek.  It's not fair to them because no matter what they do or how hard they might try, no person can fulfill like God can.

So tonight, I am seeking contentment.  I was asking God to show me something from His word that would remind me that He is enough for me.  He gave me a few but here's one I'll share with you:

"Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."  Psalm 37:4-5

If I get discouraged or discontent, I have to delight myself in God.  I can't be reliant upon others to do it for me.  He is worthy of delight.  I need to remain committed to Him and to trust Him.  He knows the desires of my heart, He knows what I long for, He knows the goals I have, the aspirations I have.  He knows the things I want but that don't even admit to myself.  He knows them.  He can satisfy them.  He can supply them.  I don't want them unless He supplies them.

I have to remember to trust Him to supply them...when He wants to supply them.

Lord, help me to always remember, You are more than enough for me.

Always there

"In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.  Trust in him at all times: ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah."

- Psalm 62:7-8

Life is hard.  It consists of moments of sheer bliss and complete happiness but it also contains times of heartache, struggle and pain.  But no matter where we are in the process or experience of life, God is always there. 

He is our strength.  When we are weak, we have to go to Him for strength.  When we cannot find it within ourselves to go on, we must draw from Him.  He will supply.

He is our refuge.  When we need shelter, He is there.  We can run to Him and rely upon Him to protect us. 

We can always trust Him.  There seems to be so many false or deceiving things in the world today.  It's hard, at times, to know who or what you can trust.  But oh how comforting it can be to know that you always have Him.  He is always there.  He is always wanting to hear from you.  You can always trust Him.  He will never deceive you.  We can fully confide in Him. 

We can pour our heart out to Him.  Have you ever had those moments when you are so overwhelmed you can't even begin to put your feelings to words?  Well, with Him, you don't have to.  He knows.  He knows our heart, He knows our feelings, He knows our fears, He knows our sorrows.  We can freely pour them out to Him and He gladly takes them. 

He is always that shoulder to cry on, always there to wrap His arms around you and draw you in tight to Him.  He is always there, no matter what our need is, He can fulfill it. 

Praise

"I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth."  Psalm 34:1

I love Pandora.  For those of you who may be unfamiliar, Pandora is an internet based radio (also an iPhone app) that allows you to create your own radio stations.  You can personalize your music playlist.  I think it's wonderful and I could listen to it 24/7.  It has basically become my own personal, portable karaoke machine.

When I am getting ready in the morning, I like to have it on.  Most the the stations I have on my play list are hymns.  This past week it seems like I just cannot get enough hymns.  I have struggled with music here and there since I've been saved.  My flesh and my old nature really love a good musical beat but that cannot even begin to compare how my soul is stirred by the notes and lyrics of a spiritual hymn.

My sin, O the bliss of this glorious thought, My sin, not in part, but the whole - is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, O my soul!  - It is Well with My Soul

Bearing shame and scoffing rude, In my place, condemned He stood: Sealed my pardon with His blood; Guilty, vile and helpless, we; spotless Lamb of God was He; "Full atonement!" can it be?  Hallelujah!  What a Saviour! - Hallelujah, What a Saviour!

 He saw me plunged in deep distress, and flew to my relief; for me He bore the shameful cross, and carried all my grief, and carried all my grief.  To Him I owe my life and breath, and all the joys I have, He makes me triumph over death, and saves me from the grave, and saves me from the grave. - Majestic Sweetness Sits Enthroned

Those are just a few playing through my mind right now, but there are so much more!  How can those words not stir a person who has been completely redeemed from their sin and given a new, victorious life in Christ?

I want to be like David and have praise for God in my mouth continually.  

"While I live will I praise the Lord: I will sing praises unto my God while I have any being."  Psalm 146:2